The Naked Jade Carver

Naked Jade Survives Another Vicious Attempt At Humiliation

Showing No Animosity At The Recent “Snub”, Our Hero Says Goodbye To “John”

“Life is hard for everyone, but for a little Naked Jade from a poor nephritic farm in Wyoming, growing up through millions of years of hard times has finally started to toughen me past the point of tears”. These almost tragic words were heard spoken as our Brave Little Jade was seen leaving one of our country’s finest institutions of higher learning  after the lowly attack on this humble “Son of America”. Being of Pre-Cambrian birth has shown our very own Naked Jade just how small are the minds of those who would play such a mean trick on one who is fast becoming a true spokesman for the jades and jadeites of the world. Holding no animosity toward the ne’er-do-wells that orchestrated what has been termed the “insult of the century”, with their fake invitations to Ambassadors, Heads of State, Kings and Queens and Royalty from around the world, Actors & Actresses, Sports Icons and just generally nice people, the Naked Jade paid his due respects once again at John Harvard’s Toe, and left the esteemed campus in a dignified and solemn manner, and rode off into the sunset.

Naked Jade Riding his Harley to Surgery

The Naked Jade, already known for his extreme bravery (and an occasional bit of flirting with the more buxom ladies he meets on his travels) dashes headlong once again into the very jaws of death as he speeds across Cambridge to the double-secret surgical unit, to be headed by one of the finest minor masters in the world, The Mage. Under the intense tutelage  of the Master of all Jade Carvers, and the envy of all other Jade Carvers (not to mention every Carver of any medium in the known world), The Naked Jade Carver will be assisting The Mage in one of the most precarious cosmetic surgeries ever performed. The ultra-secret design (rumored to have required the approval of Congress because of his National Hero status) has been reported to be of such mystical importance that only a few rigorously interviewed registered nurses are allowed to be present during the surgery and care for his personal needs during this surgical process, which could be week long in duration. Refreshments for the event are said to be catered exclusively by one of the Eastern Seaboard’s finest charcuteries, and to avoid any mishap as with the most unfortunate event in the High Sierras during the last surgery involving The Reverend, no alcohol or tobacco products will be allowed within 100 yards of the facility. We know the world waits with us and offers their most sincere prayers to the God or Goddess of their choice in wishing our hero strength to endure once again.

The Naked Jade Steadies His Nerves